On January 6th, 2021, my friend texted me: “Are you not seeing this?”
I wrote: “What?”
My friend: “The protesters charged the capital
They evacuated”
I texted: “What?!?!”
My friend: “Turn on the news”
Me: “Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Friend: “Senate evacuated”
I wrote: “What ???!??”
Friend wrote: “Look at the news
They’re using teargas in the capital”
I wrote: “No! Shit!!!!!!”
My friend: “Guns drawn inside capital apparently
I replied: “Where was the national guard. This is so disgusting.
It was a horrifying day on January 6, 2021. We watched in horror as our country came precariously close to losing our Democracy. The D.C. National Guard was finally allowed to help the Capital police defend the Capitol after the Capital police were violently attacked with metal rods, baseball bats, pipes, flag poles, tasers, bear spray. One Capital policeman was tased by rioters multiple times, which triggered a heart attack and another Officer’s mask was ripped off of him as he was crushed in a doorway by a Trump supporter with blood dripping from the Officer. 73 Capitol police were injured and 65 Metropolitan police were injured during the January 6th insurrection. Representative Mike Gallagher, a Republican, pleaded with Trump in a tweet, that afternoon: “We are witnessing absolute banana republic crap in the United States Capitol right now. @realdonaldtrump , you need to call this off. You are the only person that can call this off.” After the invasion and occupation of our country’s Capital, after at least one person was shot and killed and Congress was evacuated, finally, at 3:40 pm, the National Guard was finally allowed to help. It turns out 5 people died, including one Capitol police offer, after Trump summoned and unleashed his mob on the Capitol. Former Attorney General William said that Trump’s behavior was a ‘betrayal of his office,’ and ‘orchestrating a mob to pressure Congress is inexcusable.’
We heard reports that Trump’s aids and his daughter were trying to get him to do something and he wouldn’t because he reportedly was still angry with Vice President Mike Pence for not overturning the election results. Meanwhile, Pence’s life was being threatened by Trump Supporters who were hunting Pence down in the Capitol, screaming, “Hang Mike Pence, Hang Mike Pence, Traitor, Traitor, Traitor!” while he watched it all unfold on television. Representative Adam Kinzinger, a Republican said about Trump, ‘The president is unfit. And the president is unwell.’
Today, some Republicans were laughing at Trump’s Impeachment Trial, even though a little over a month ago, they were hiding under their desks as Trump supporters attempted a coup, desecrating the Capitol and hunting for the heads of Pence and Pelosi. ‘I once said the party of Lincoln and Reagan is off taking a nap. The nap has become a nightmare for our nation. The GOP mus awaken.’ Former House Speaker John Boehner said about Trump’s lies and incitement.
Trump knew his own Vice President was in danger as well as Capitol Police, members & staff of Congress but didn’t lift a finger to tweet his followers in order to stop them. Instead he praised them after they took over the Capitol: “It’s time to go home now.” “We love you; you are special.” Why wasn’t he removed from office for inciting a riot? And why did members of the Republican Party in the Senate insist that they wait until February to hold his Impeachment trial and then claim in February, well, we can’t possibly impeach him since he’s no longer in office. Who in the Senate puts principles over politics? McCarthy initially said that Trump bears responsibility for the mob attack but now McCarthy apparently changed his mind. On January 6th, Lindsey Graham said, “Count me out. Enough is enough.” Then he was bullied by Trump Supporters and seemed to change his mind again. McConnell said that the mob was ‘fed lies’ and that the mob was ‘provoked by the president (Trump) and other powerful people.’ We don’t know if McConnell will stand by his statement today. Lisa Murkowski said, ‘I want him to resign. I want him out. He has caused enough damage.’ At least we believe Murkowski will back up her statement with a vote to impeach #45. But how many Senators have the strength of character to vote their conscience? Where are character and integrity in the GOP Senate? Are they gone with the looters?
Speaking of Character and Integrity, a friend of mine asked me to please write a letter to her son who is going on a Spiritual Retreat with his Senior class and the school would like letters of encouragement to pass out to the students to read as a surprise. The retreat is a time of reflection and spiritual growth. I was asked to share any words of wisdom as my friend’s son heads into his future. Then later in a text, my friend, told me to “just write a letter sharing with [her son] any encouragement I have to share with him-any experience, strength and hope about overcoming and trusting God- that would be amazing!” Such a difficult task. In an attempt to encourage my friend’s son and to prioritize Character and Integrity, in a world where they seem to be a rare commodity, I wrote to my friend’s son:
“Sending you peace and blessings on your senior year!!!!! Your mom asked me to write a letter about my journey sharing with you any experience, strength and hope.
‘I did not come for the healthy but for those who need a doctor’- Jesus
I rely heavily on the slogan, ‘Progress not Perfection.’ As a high school graduate, I had high hopes and high expectations for myself. My mom raised me as a single mom so if I wanted to go to college, I had to qualify for as many scholarships as possible, as well as grants, financial assistance, a student loan, and work study. I was in an intense conservatory program. I remember having my first class as a freshman at 8 am and was busy in rehearsal or the practice room until the conservatory building was closed. Sometimes, I was up doing a paper until all hours. I wish I knew back then about God’s unfailing love/ mercy & grace and the importance of self-nurturing/ self-care/ self-love & self-forgiveness. I worked very hard while scorning and remaining resentful of others who did not have a strong work ethic. Since then, I have come to learn that while some people have the character defect of sloth and laziness, others have the character defect of perfectionism which can manifest as workaholism. Neither extreme is good. Anything out of balance is not God’s will or God’s best. So I must say to an up and coming freshman: study hard, work hard, train hard but love God hard, love yourself hard, love others hard. Keep it simple. Keep it balanced. Be gentle with yourself. There’s grace. Reserve a quiet time for you and God everyday and reserve time for you everyday. I had come to learn in my twenties that I can’t be everything to everyone all the time. Learning to say no became a valuable tool. Learning to say no, allowed space for God to bring better blessings and opportunities.
As a college student, I got a lot of my worth and identity in achievement which led to medicating with compulsive behaviors and addiction. I wished I knew how to make God a priority. Instead, because I didn’t know any other way, I was extremely driven and would not stop working, struggling and striving.
Medicating with compulsive behaviors and addiction takes up time. Filling the God-gap with time with God, instead of unhealthy workaholism and addiction would have been so much better and I believe that I might have ultimately gone further faster, with God in the driver’s seat instead of relying on my own understanding. What I wish I had prioritized in college years and in my twenties was God first, then Self-love/ Self-care/ Self-forgiveness; then People; and then Career. Unfortunately, I put career first a lot of the time and this is a dire mistake.
Looking back, I didn’t have family in recovery mentoring me. I grew up in a family of origin with alcoholism and codependency and I had no tools except survival traits which I learned, like a strong work ethic. That’s what I knew. You know so much more than I did at your age but here’s the rub: Scripture says it best: ‘Your Strength is for service not for status.’
What I would say is after you have spent time with God, given yourself plenty of self-nurturing and self-forgiveness, then consider that ‘your strength is for service not for status.’
When I have gotten stuck or in my head, my spiritual and career mentor has reminded me: ‘you are there to be of service. How can you be of service? It’s not about you. It’s about being of service.’ She said recently, ‘ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit and then ask how can I be of service?’ The key is how can I give service with love but not neglect my own relationship with God and my own recovery. You see, so many people take the little they know and then become other-centered. Many people prefer to ‘focus on others to avoid looking at [their] own behavior and fear.’ Many people preach, teach, fix, and advise while exercising flagrant compulsive behaviors and addictions in secret. They hurt as many people or more people than they help. This is hypocrisy and the opposite of integrity. Of course, if we have high moral standards, most of us are hypocrites in some way. But please keep in mind that a judgmental, one-up-one-down attitude is the opposite of walking in emotional and spiritual health. Jesus tells us to take the log out of our own eye first. You and I need to be physically fit to run our race as well as emotionally and spiritually fit. The only way out of performance-oriented Christianity is through spiritual and emotional health. How do I get there? Looking at my own hurts, habits and hang-ups instead of focusing on others. By bringing my feelings to the light to God and other like-minded people. Confessing to God and at least one other person the exact nature of wrongs. I heard it said another way: walking in honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. Talking, trusting and feeling instead of controlling, isolating and fuming. Humility. I’ve heard it said that without ‘humility and honesty, nothing new happens.’
There will be some in your peer group that might go far in their chosen profession based on their talent and skill but not so much on their character and integrity.
One of the most influential writers said it best: ‘Nobody can cause more grief than a power driven guy who thinks he has got it straight from God. These people cause the world more trouble than the harlots and drunkards. I have had spells of that very thing. And so I ought to know.’
But at some point, everyone must wrestle with their emotional & spiritual fitness, character and integrity. Whether in 10-15 years or 10-15 minutes, everyone at some point will have to grapple with self-inquiry and eternity. So why not now?
Unfortunately, denial can keep us imprisoned repeating the same patterns with different people but expecting different results. It is my job in my journey to recognize my own denial and address it with gentleness one day at a time.
When I was in college, I thought I knew a lot. I could have benefited from an open mind and open heart. Another one of my favorite writers said, ‘as long as we’re too comfortable, too opinionated, too sure we have the whole truth, we’re just rock and thorns. Anybody throwing us seed is just wasting time’ and ‘we must never presume that we see. We must always be ready to see anew.’
I will be 16 years sober this month. I love repeating the saying, ‘I’m not where I need to be but I’m not where I used to be either,’ because that’s definitely true for me. As long as someone is breathing on this planet, everyone is a work in progress. I hope you’ll relax, be gentle with yourself, just do the next indicated step and enjoy you on your journey because everywhere you go, there you are.
I see you as a leader, with a beautiful & bright future. And I pray you lead yourself and others with gentleness, humility, humor, love and respect.
‘God,
When I look let me truly see.
When I listen let me truly hear.””””””””””””
