Month: September 2018

What’s Going On?

Anonymous

What’s going on with that manager?

He wanted to meet me at a smoothie place and then drive to that taco stand. He drives a blue convertible and is always on the phone.

I thought he would take me on as his client.

He asked me if I’d go with him to all of these places. Sure, I’d love to go to church. Sure, I’d love to go to Al-Anon. I’d love to go to the movies. But he’s slapped my Ass multiple times. He’s made several comments and he’s tried to sit extremely close on the couch and get me to sit in his lap. No matter how much I’d love to hang out as friends, he clearly wants more. And I want to be friends with a capital P for Platonic and great Business Partners. But definitely not Romantic.

He’s quite possibly abusing his power.

Ya think?

But not taking responsibility for it; that’s for sure.

I’m gonna tell him that I have a boyfriend.

 

There I just told him.

1st Day in Los Angeles

Anonymous

Now it’s time to make my Home. A New Life. A New Beginning.

Integrity. I will be a great friend.

I will not be used by men. Period. There will be no physical relationships unless there is love-mutual love. Period. I will not play Dumb Girl. I will not play Dumb girl. I will not play Dumb girl. I will be guarded but honest. I will only surround myself with people who love me. I will not surround myself with people who do not love and respect me.

I will go to church. I enjoyed going to church with Jay-it helped me put the week in perspective and I’ll miss Jay so much. He was my family, friend, best-friend, partner, life-coach and Home for 4 years.

I need to make a life here and I need to start with Integrity.

The apartment is the missing piece in the puzzle. If I have to pay exorbitant prices in rent, I will be a slave to the rent every month, every day.  If I have ridiculous rent, I’ll be a slave to the Dollar and not to my Dreams.

But if I sublet from Kristen or someone or get a roommate, I’ll be a slave to them – and I won’t have my own space and quiet to figure things out and stay sane. I don’t want to be at someone else’s beck and call. I want my own space in a beautiful dwelling.

 

Ten Things to be Thankful for-

-Thank God, I got here safely

-Thank God, it’s a sublet so I can store/ spread out my stuff

-Thank God, I got packed and the movers came

-Thank God, I finally left Chicago

-Thank God, that my Chicago Agent finally paid me

-Thank God for credit cards

-Thank God, I have friends out here

-Thank God for a car that works

-Thank God for my Grandma. I couldn’t have done it with out her.

-Thank God for my health and I am not hung over.

 

 

I need a miracle

Anonymous


There is so much traffic on Saturdays and no one can get it together. And here I am…late, as usual, on the way to the theater in Downtown Chicago.
I had an audition beforehand near Wrigleyville.

And there I was-and they hand me all these sides-cold!

You think they could send them? No!

You think they could get back to me and let me know that I can have an earlier time?

No! Uh-uh. I get there. I go right in and I read ’em cold and what is it?

It’s a sucky audition.

This is…this is…this is pitiful.

This is peanuts.

You hand me the sides…you hand me them right before I go in.

A long-ass monologue about how I’m being molested and my sister killed herself.

I mean what am I supposed to do?

And I go from one promotion to the next. And you know…It’s like the same upscale bar where the people are pretentious and they asked me where I got the glow stick from and I told them: “up my ass.”

And here I am in traffic. And there’s the show and it’s at 2:00 pm. And it’s 1:40 pm right now. And what am I supposed to do?

I mean, the stage manager, she’s just like “of course you’re late…NA NA NA!”

It’s like, “You know what?!”

And it’s like I don’t even care any more. I’m doing the best I can trying to do everything. And there’s traffic and there’s construction. And I have no idea where I’m going anymore…I’m just going crazy!

I can understand why people are driven to drink.

I can understand why and I understand. By the end of the week..I’m like fried.

I’m trying to do everything and be everything to everyone all the time and all I’ve gotta say is…

There better be a miracle.

There better be a miracle before something terrible happens before there can’t be a miracle anymore.

Because I need a miracle.

I need something different.

I am so ready for a change.

A good change.

A very good, very awesome amazing change.

I am ready for it.

And it’s not gonna happen when I get the sides a minute before I go in.

It’s not gonna happen. It’s not gonna happen.

It’s not gonna happen when I’m doing the same promotion I did last year dealing with the same mother-fuckers.

It’s not gonna happen.

It’s not gonna happen.

It’s all the same thing.

everyone…

everywhere…

it’s the SAAAAAAAAAAAME THIIIIIIIIIIIIING.

And here’s the street and it’s one way.